First off, Giggs says thanks for all the birthday wishes, he had a fabulous time. When my internet is not being super snail slow I’ll upload some video. I’m too impatient to sit here and wait for it right now. Instead, I bring you, “The Night of the SALAMI!” aka “The Salami Incident” aka “Christine- Parties- It- Up- With -Her- Cousins- and- Drinks- WAY- Too- Much”.
For those who know me, the ‘Salami Incident’ came as really no big surprise. I can be a little rambunctious when I’ve had a lot to drink -especially if there is also RedBull involved -oh how I love those glorious JagerBombs! Anyway, here’s how the story goes, illustrated along the way with pictures courtesy of my second cousins Lorraine and Kathalene.
Lorraine &
Kathalene
The setting is Kamloops, BC. We’re in town for my Nana’s (great-grandma’s) 90th birthday party/family reunion. After dinner, a few glasses of wine, and some of Gramma’s orange gin slushy stuff we discovered in the freezer, the cousins are getting a bit antsy and talk arises of ‘going out’. (Dun-dun-dunnnnn!) After we rallied the troops and commandeered a vehicle (Kathalene & Lorraine’s dad’s truck), we headed out on the town. Most of us have never hit the town in Kamloops before so my cousin who lives there (Tanya) and her finance (Theo) showed us to a pub that turns into a nightclub after 10pm.
Theo & Tanya
We relax on the rooftop patio for a bit and I drank some martinis. After a while, we moved downstairs to the second floor (there’s three floors) where there’s a dance floor and some comfy chairs and a bar. I drink some more and we do some JagerBomb shots at the bar and by now I’m HAMMERED.
That’s the ‘I’m hammered and looking formischief’ face.
Here’s where I think it would be fun to dance. The dance floor is in front of a bunch of floor to ceiling windows that look out onto the street, which I proceed to open and hang/yell out of until a bouncer showed up to ruin my fun. OK plan B. I grab some guy’s bike helmet and put it on and dance around.
Lookin‘ sa-weeeeeeeet!
Cute dress huh? Good thing I act like a lady!
That opening comes in handy!
After my cousin opened it for me.
I was in the dark for a while because
I couldn’t figure it out.
Helmet hair!
S
o now that we’ve established how wasted I am, you can better understand what happened next…
We decided to leave to get a bite to eat so we all pile back into the truck (it seats six). Don’t worry, Kathalene drove and she was not drinking. It’s about 1-1:30 am-ish and we head to the McDonald’s drive thru because we’re all needing some grease by this point to help reduce the looming morning hangover. Here is when the salami incident occurred…
We’re sitting in the drive thru at the window waiting for our stuff and drunk Christine gets fidgety. ‘Oh look! There’s a sliding window back here! It opens and I can fit through it!’ I crawl -IN A DRESS!(there’s unflattering pictures, which I won’t show) -through the back window of the truck cab and into the box. In the truck box is a bag of golf clubs! I grab a three wood and practice my swing for a bit. Then I discover the COOLER! And in it there’s a container of salami slices!
Ooooooh! Salami!
Now it’s a well known fact that I enjoy throwing food when I’m drunk (The Cake-in-the-Light Incident) so I think it’s funny that salami, when thrown correctly, sticks to the McDonald’s sign. Hahahahaha! I’m having a great time. I figure it would be funny to throw salami at the car parked behind us in the drive thru. SO I DO! It lands on the hood of a white Miata near the antenna. I’m laughing my ASS off by this point but the driver of the car was NOT -although his passenger was laughing too.
The guy whips out his cell phone and while death-glaring me, makes a phone call. I’m now thinkin‘ ‘Uh-oh!’ and crawl back through the cab window into the truck again. Our food arrives and we drive off, headed back to my Aunt’s house (Tanya & Theo’s place) where we’re staying. We’re on the road for less than five minutes when we pass a police cruiser going the other direction… Next thing we know, the cruiser is pulling a u-turn and his lights are on -CRAP!
We turn onto my Aunt’s street and pull over -just three houses down from the safety of the driveway! There ends up being FOUR police cars and FIVE officers! The guy in the Miata called the cops on me! They had an APB out for the truck!
They were in fact, responding to a possible drunk driver report, but upon seeing that Kathalene was not drinking and driving, they just took my name and information for the salami-throwing (which I initially tried to pin on my cousin Tanya). And no, the police officer said he was NOT going to call me after I gave him my number (Tony gave me a whack on the leg for that one). They didn’t accept Theo’s offer of a chicken McNugget either. The police officers at the truck windows could barely keep straight faces and they knew my Uncle Darren (Tanya’s dad -an RCMP officer) so they let us go after a bit.
Then we went on our merry way and had our McDonald’s picnic on the front lawn at about 1:30am, and went to bed.
I wasn’t feeling so hot the next morning and I sure got sassed by all the relatives during breakfast at Gramma’s -Uncle Darren (RCMP) had heard about it by that point. But overall, this was great bonding time with the cousins and next time we see each other we can all laugh about the ‘Salami Incident’.
